It is now 3june of 2011, the days in rp was not very good as i want it to be. i'm depressed, very disappointed, feeling stupid, lonely and more importantly felt useless. It is getting bad to worst. In school, i cannot seen to forced in class and unable to understand. I really want to change myself and get everyone to notice me but it is hard. I love to have fun but i fear other felt bad. I think that i stuck in the past and can never move forward to realise something important frist but i really don't know what is it.
I think i'm draff apart fro my best friends. i think we are no longer close because i got lot of problems. many things about me is causing it like been quiet, shy, unhyper, boring, stupid, weak. i don't know what i should do...cry does ont help but only release the holding back of my tears of sadness
there are times i thought of stupid things, like getting bang by car,or cut myself so that i forget everything but i'm in fear of pain and death then told myself to see bright side or tml hopefully will be another new day . however these are just lies to myself. i wish to run away from these but it keep popping in front of me. So i took on part-time job , but it was very tiring as i need to stand and greet too as well as stress cause i need to remember where the stuff at. i wish to work with my bro but we got spit up like always. it does make me upset but i tell myself that one day still have to face these myself. so it's a test. i don't know how long am i going to fool or lie to myself and how long i my fake act last in front of everyone.
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